Holding on for Life
by just-the-worst
Summary: After another nightmare, Lapis ends up meeting Sour Cream on the beach. Lifechats ensue.


Holding On For Life

 ** _Author's Note: Inspired by a prompt from reddit, and two songs, Black Mirror by Arcade Fire and Holding on for Life by Broken Bells_.**

From the very beginning, Sour Cream had been intrigued by the ocean's disappearance. How could he not be? The residents of Beach City had stood dumbfounded at the edge of where the ocean had been.

Steven and his guardians were quickly interrogated about the situation by the mayor, who was shouting at them through a megaphone.

"As mayor I demand you explain this immediately!"

The tallest of the group knocked the megaphone out of the mayor's grasp before replying, "It was Lapis Lazuli".

"Lapis Lazuli?" Steven had asked.

"The gem you released from the mirror", the skinny one had explained tersely, projecting an image of what had looked to be a teenaged girl.

Soon after that however, the ocean had been restored to its usual state and Sour Cream had never had the chance to see "Lapis Lazuli" up close.

It was some time later when he first saw her, wandering along the boardwalk, staring at the ocean. It had been fairly late; he was coming back from a party he had been DJing.

Sour Cream knew he had seen this girl somewhere before, but _where_? She didn't seem like a summer tourist and she definitely wasn't a regular resident. After a few moments of staring he realized that this was the girl from the projection.

He walked away quickly. He wasn't about to mess with a girl who could _take the ocean away_.

* * *

Lapis had awoken from another nightmare. She didn't know why she kept subjecting herself to sleep, and the subsequent torment her nightmares gave her.

 _It's because you deserve it_.

Although Lapis was glad to be "free" she didn't know what to do with herself. She would stand by Steven of course, and protect him until she was ground into a fine paste. This resolve did little to help her through her day-to-day however. Even as a free gem she was still a prisoner. Trapped on Earth, trapped in her mind, her circumstances.

Sleep was an escape of sorts, but it often did Lapis more harm than good.

Lapis did as she always did after waking from nightmares. She walked down to the ocean, and continued along the boardwalk, the sight and sound of the waves calming her somewhat.

Her dream had been of the black mirror, which always contorted her reflection until it was Malachite staring back at her.

The dream was really just a reminder. She _was_ Malachite now, on some level. She would always be that monstrous on the inside, even if Steven was blind to it.

She stopped as she heard someone approaching. She heard them stop too, for a couple minutes before they resumed walking and quickly passed her. She turned around and saw that it was a human who looked to be older than Steven, but younger than Greg. He was taller than both of them and had pointy, yellow hair.

For a moment, she was envious.

 _It must be so much easier to be human…_

* * *

The second time Sour Cream encountered Lapis, he was struck by how sad she looked.

 _What a lovely night to be lonely_ , he thought, his mind quickly jumping back to music and song lyrics.

She was again staring out towards the ocean, but this time she was sitting on the beach with her knees pulled up to her chest.

He decided that he could at least _try_ to talk to her.

She seemed to tense a bit as he walked closer.

"Hey, are you doing okay? It's awfully late to be out", Sour Cream said, taking a seat about a metre away from her.

"Human? Why are you talking to me?" Lapis continued to stare out into the ocean, paying Sour Cream little mind.

"To be honest, you look like you're not doing too well. I'm Sour Cream, by the way. You can call me SC though. Sour Cream's kind of a dumb name"

"Well, S.C., you're not wrong. I'm Lapis Lazuli, ocean-stealing extraordinaire", Lapis gave a bitter laugh and gazed up at the moon.

"I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"

"What's the point? I doubt you'd understand anyway"

Sour Cream tried his best to not be offended at the girl's blasé and somewhat condescending attitude.

"It couldn't hurt. Sometimes things are easier to talk through with a stranger"

For the first time, Lapis turned to look at him, her royal blue eyes passing over his teal ones. Her gaze quickly returned to the ocean.

"Fine. Well, for starters, I was imprisoned in a mirror for several thousand years. Steven freed me about two of your Earth years ago".

"A mirror? How did you end up in there?"

"I tried to avoid being drafted for the war against Rose Quartz. I got caught, and they used me to power a mirror to 'give me time to reflect'". Lapis paused, grimacing. "The gem who owned the mirror was high-ranking, but not so much so that she was able to avoid fighting on the front lines. She got shattered, but the mirror got left where she fell. The Crystal Gems found me, after the war. They claim they had no idea I was in there, but I trust them about as far as _you_ could throw them"

"Wow. That is literally the worst pun that has ever happened to anyone", Sour Cream replied flatly, doing his best to contain his curiosity about all of the topics Lapis had just touched on.

 _A war? Several THOUSAND years ago?_

Lapis chuckled dryly. "It gets worse".

"There are worse puns?" Sour Cream asked teasingly, "Because I'm not sure how many more of those I can take"

"…no?" Lapis looked confused at Sour Cream's attempt at humour.

"Oh, sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit. Continue"

"As I said, Steven freed me. At first I was damaged, so I tried to use your ocean to get back to the Homeworld"

"So that's why you took the ocean…"

"…but Steven fixed my gem, so I was able to return to Homeworld without it. Homeworld was nothing like what I remembered though. It's been transformed. Gems have always had to conform to their 'class', but it used to be that as long as you did your job reasonably well, you'd be fine. Since the uprising, they've changed. Everyone is monitored all the time, in order to 'protect us from dissenters'. I didn't stay for very long, but I heard that lots of gems would be taken from their homes and never heard from again. They only kept me around because they suspected that I had information about some disturbances that had been logged regarding the Earth. That was about when I gave up completely. All I had wanted was to go home, but in some ways, home was almost worse than the mirror I'd left behind". Sour Cream could see that Lapis' eyes were tearing up a little. He looked away awkwardly, not sure how to comfort her.

"So they locked me up and put me on a ship back to Earth. They put me with a soldier named Jasper, and a technician named Peridot"

"I've seen Peridot around, she's the green one, right? Steven introduced me a while ago". Sour Cream paused for a second, then recognition flashed through his eyes.

"You were on that hand-ship thingy!" Sour Cream said excitedly, happy to be able to put some of the pieces together.

"Yes, yes I was…" Lapis' voice trailed off, and she hugged her knees even tighter.

"Are you okay?"

Sour Cream decided that it was acceptable for him to scoot closer to Lapis. He was sitting right next to her now.

"If you don't want to say any more, that's okay. You've clearly been through _a lot_ ", Sour Cream said, as softly as he could manage.

Lapis remained silent. She seemed to be shivering slightly. Sour Cream took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders.

This seemed to break her out of her reverie.

"…thank-you. Gems don't really get cold, but I appreciate the gesture"

She handed Sour Cream back his sweater and he took it back, feeling somewhat foolish.

Lapis took a deep breath through her nose.

"See, the problem with what happened on the ship isn't really about what happened. It's about _me_ "

"Through a semi-complicated gem process called fusion, I turned Jasper and me into a monster named Malachite. I used her to trap us both under the ocean for nearly a year. I was so angry… I just wanted someone to suffer the way I had. The fact this saved Steven was an added bonus"

"But by using Malachite to trap Jasper, I've become the exact same sort of gem that I've hated for millennia. I hated Jasper. I hated Malachite. And now I hate myself just as much"

"I'm here because Steven is the only thing I've found that's worth protecting"

"But that doesn't make it any easier, does it?"

"It really, **really** doesn't. I need to be okay though, for Steven's sake. It's like putting on a costume every day. I don't think he's even convinced by it anyway"

"I don't know what to tell you…"

"That's okay. I told you there wasn't going to be much that you could do"

"But I can tell you that you're not horrible for what you did, if you'll believe me", Sour Cream turned to look at Lapis, who refused to meet his gaze. When she failed to respond he continued, "Maybe what you did wasn't the best thing you could've done. Maybe you could have gotten out of that situation without holding someone prisoner. But you're entitled to your feelings, and you're allowed to make mistakes".

"We use the phrase 'only human' to describe how every living person makes mistakes. You may be a gem, but I don't think that's given you or the others the power to be absolutely perfect all the time".

"I can understand doing something you regret, even if I've never been in a situation like yours. In my limited experience, I've found that the only thing to do is try to learn from what I've done wrong and keep going"

They had been sitting out for so long that the sun was beginning to come up.

"Oh geez. I've got to get home before my mom gets up or she's going to freak out"

"It was nice talking to you", Lapis said softly, giving Sour Cream a quick hug.

Sour Cream blushed thoroughly.

"Well, I'll see you around. Take care, all right?"

"Okay. See you later, S.C."


End file.
